The Anxiety of a Post-Busy Period

My life lately has revolved around props and portfolios for my graduation exhibition. Last week was a frantic "figure-out" phase at school, and this week I can finally catch my breath. However, with the work temporarily put on hold, the free time has become a breeding ground for overthinking.

I'm grateful to have a group of good friends who fill our days with laughter and prevent us from falling into an emotional abyss. But in those quiet moments, anxiety still creeps in.

Beatrice's 400 Years: Are We All Waiting for the "Right Answer"?

I recently finished watching an anime, and the elf character, Beatrice, deeply moved me. She waited alone in the library for 400 years to keep a promise to her "mother." Day after day, she read books, rejecting countless invitations, all to wait for the "right person" her mother spoke of. It wasn't until the male protagonist appeared, tirelessly disrupting her life, that this long period of confinement was broken.

This story drove me completely "crazy" (even making me start read its novel) because it precisely struck a nerve with my sensitivity to "time" over the past year.

The "Rashomon" of Regret

Watching my friends start submitting resumes and applying for internships, I began to fall into a cycle of regret:

• Regret about the past: Why didn't I try harder to experience and interact with friends during my four years of studying abroad?

• Regret about resources: Why didn't I create more meaningful works with classmates and friends, making full use of the resources at hand?

• Regret about courage: Why did I always stay in my comfort zone longer than others? Why didn't I become a "mature adult" sooner?

I always feel like my way of seeing the world is a step behind others. If I had understood the logic of how the world works earlier, would I be so regretful today?

Stepping Out of the Forbidden Library: Accepting Uncertainty

But deep down, I know that this struggle is like a "Rashomon", and repeatedly debating the past is meaningless. The story of that elf character gave me an insight:

Beatrice (the elf) was trapped because she was pursuing a "correct answer" defined by others.

Perhaps I was like that in the past, always hoping someone could tell me how to do things "perfectly." But the truth is, many things in life don't have a standard answer; we must learn to make our own choices. Rather than waiting for the perfect moment, bravely facing uncertainty and taking the first step to take risks is the only way for life to truly improve.

This is a record, and also a farewell. A farewell to the self that always pursued perfection and was afraid of making mistakes. Now, I will continue to move forward and do what I want to do.